A step-by-step guide to helping a loved one seek therapy

Encouraging someone you care about to seek therapy can feel daunting and overwhelming. It often seems doomed to fail. You might worry about saying the wrong thing, pushing too hard, or making them feel judged. But with patience, empathy, and the right approach, you can be a powerful support in fostering hope for change.

Here’s a step-by-step guide to talking with a loved one about therapy—designed to keep the conversation supportive, respectful, and productive.

1. Explore Your Own Intentions and Experience

Before you bring up someone else going to therapy, reflect on your reasons and motivation. Are you concerned about their mental health and emotional well-being, or are you worried about your own feelings and how they are being impacted by your loved one’s attitude and behaviour? When recommending some else go to therapy, it’s important to approach the conversation with genuine care rather than frustration or hurt. If your concern is for your own experience (which is valid), then a different conversation is required, such as one about boundaries and expectations. In order to be able to help someone who is hurting, we need to come from a place of compassion.

2. Ease Into the Conversation

Try saying something like:

I’ve been thinking about how you’ve been feeling lately, and I want you to know I care about you."

Follow up with describing specific behaviours or changes you’ve observed. Also ask them to confirm that your observation fits their experience – This helps them feel understood rather than labelled. Examples include:

• “You seem really down lately.”

• “I’ve noticed you’ve been withdrawing from people and things you used to enjoy.”

• “Since [X time] you’ve said [Y phrase] quite frequently. It sounds like you feel more hopeless than before.”

• “It looks like you’ve been under a lot of stress since [specific event].”

Try and avoid diagnosing them, and try not to rush through this part. You don’t need to offer an explanation for what is happening or what to do – the point of this conversation is to get you to agree on and validate the feelings they are experiencing. Explanations and plans of action will come later and depend on how much you create a shared understanding of the feelings and experience.

3. Respect Their Response

After you share your concerns, give them space to respond. They may not be ready to talk, and that’s okay. If they deny anything’s wrong or change the subject, don’t push. Let them know you’re there when they’re ready:

"I understand if you don’t want to talk about this now. Just know that I care, and I’m here when you feel ready to open up."

Respect and patience go a long way.

4. Encourage, Don’t Pressure

If they acknowledge their struggles, it’s tempting to jump straight to suggesting therapy. But for many, the idea of reaching out for help can feel overwhelming.

Instead, offer gentle encouragement:

• "You’re not alone in this—lots of people feel this way and there are all sort of support out there."

• "You don’t have to have all the answers. There are professionals that can help you figure thins out at your own pace."

Let them know there’s no shame in needing help and that support is available.

5. Reframe Therapy as a Strength

Therapy still carries stigma for some people. Help shift their mindset by normalising the idea of talking to a therapist:

• “Therapy doesn’t mean you are broken or crazy—it’s about taking care of yourself, like going to the gym or eating well.”

• “Asking for help is an admirable thing- it shows bravery, strength and self-awareness.”

  
  

6. Offer Practical Guidance

If they seem open, help them feel more in control of the process. Remined them of the following:

• They get to choose their own therapist they will feel comfortable with—based on gender, approach, cultural background, etc. They can shop around!

• They decide how often to go and what they want to focus on.

• Trying one session doesn’t mean committing forever.

  
  

Final Thoughts

You can’t make someone go to therapy—but you can create a safe, supportive space that encourages them to consider it. By approaching the topic with honesty, kindness, and respect for the others' wishes and concerns, you give your loved one permission to admit something is wrong, and reassure them they don’t have to have it all figured out by themselves.